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almost happy...

Autumn is here with LOVE in the air

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And these words still mean nothing to you [Wednesday
May 31st, 2006
SO I see no point in continuing on. ALso no point in stopping. I have no idea about much anymore. Always something to say with no reasoning. I don't understand how one can be off in their own world, completely unaware of how aware they are to everything. How can I possibly be happy like this? What am I now...? Clearly I have changed and I don't care. It's to the point where I am not in control. I like my false happy. I no longer write everyday, for these words will get the best of me. The rest of me contained with the best turning to the worst. I don't like who I am, but it feels nice. THis is amazing; how the words of complaint and sorrow are so poetic to me. THese words mean nothing to you or to myself. Just a way to escape and feel the true me again. I can't even say my real name. You have all gotten sick of this. But I take your jokes offensive and don't enjoy conflict. I enjoy sleep. I enjoy forever. So my efforsts are now seized. These words mean nothing to you. Repetition is the key to get someone to listen. The ones who need this most aren't here for me. It's not like I am even thinking of what to write right now. THis is me; unplugged, uncut, uncensored, bare of all barriers. I like that. What I just said was amazing...I can build from it. Is my face gone yet? Have I become stronger yet? Is this what you wanted? When I say I don't know I really don't know. SO don't ask. This is all directed towards nothing but it comes from smoewhere. Just find it for me, find my something. Writing and rhyming isn't nearly enough to feed a hungry soul. Hungry to for the answers to my illogically random questions. It doesn't make snese to make sense. Repetition is the key to understanding, yet these words still mean nothing to you and I.

Sorry for that...I needed to vent.
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Haven't read this at all. Just writing whats on my mind [Thursday
March 30th, 2006
[ mood | weird ]

So I'm addicted
Who cares?
This pain
It isn't fair
For someone
Like myself
To bare
Without caring
So upon myself caring
I have earned the burdon of wearing
This secret upon my sleave
As if it were nothing
It has been overlooked
No one cared to help until now
Mostly because I never let it out
Until it became a problem
So why is it so bothersome?
I'm sure you've been through worse
But this is truely the first time
I have ever felt without a care
Maybe because no one was there
To ask what was wrong
So now I refuse your help
I must deal with this self
That is non existing
I wish I were non existing
Atleast it would end this thing
That has driven myself to...
So what if I'm addicted?

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